“Lord, when will this happen? I have waited forever.” I was afraid, fearful of what could be. That fear prompted the pumping of adrenaline throughout my body, forcing my mind and muscles into overdrive.
Normally sweet Stefanie had abandoned the room as a person in pain openly displayed irritation, impatience, and yes, even anger. God wasn’t moving on my timeline.
The week wore on, the emotional pain ebbed and flowed. I believed God had even this. I wanted Him to deal with it now. I wanted my Father’s reassurance that I was right in how I felt- but I was not willing to wait around to be convicted of my need to practice patience.
Patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset.” Controlling my temper certainly makes the environment around me more pleasant. Especially for those with me. It also benefits my inner state, my mental health. Well, my mental health was suffering. I was in turmoil.
Proverbs 14:29 reminds me, “whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”
Well, I was full of folly that night. I’ll own it.
Let’s look at the opposite. “Whoever is patient has great understanding.”
In Exodus 14:14 Moses tells the Israelites, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” This is Moses’ response as the Israelites are standing between a raging Red Sea and a frustrated Pharoah with his army closing in.
They felt fear- they were terrified!
They experienced adrenaline.
They had to do something, anything. NOW. Moses instructed, “Be still.” He didn’t know how God would deliver them; he was just absolutely certain God would.
Be still.
Despair will cast you down.
Fear will prompt retreat.
Impatience will move you around.
Presumption assumes, I know better.
Stand still. Acknowledge God knows better, always.
On both big and little things.
While physical and emotional pain prompt impatience, I could have asked the Holy Spirit for help. Patience is a Fruit of the Spirit promised in Galatians 5.22. I could have rested in God. I could have waited peacefully on Him. But that would have meant I would need to be still.
It’s not human to be still.
It’s not human to not act when adrenaline is coursing through the veins.
It’s not human to be patient when in pain.
Yet, through the Holy Spirit, we can be equipped to do just that. It takes us drawing closer to Him, yielding to Him. And when we fail, we get to model acknowledging the failure and asking for forgiveness.
Maybe you, like me, find the more you try to practice patience, the more you recognize just how impatient you are.
Keep persevering. As we draw nearer to Him, He will draw nearer to us. His Holy Spirit will grow and equip us. The Holy Spirit will develop His gifts in us, and we will learn to yield to Him. Yes, we will learn, even when we are in pain, to practice patience.
That request that I was waiting on? God has funny timing. I’m still waiting, over a decade later. It’s not any less urgent in my prayers. It still causes me pain. But I have learned God has even this. He knows the burdens on my heart. He gifts me the grace I need to get through each moment. I have learned to lean on Him. Not perfectly patiently, mind you. But He has helped me develop patience and faith along the way.
Will you join me in prayer for learning to lean on Him?
Prayer: Dear Lord, You know how You created me. You know about adrenaline, and how easily impatience creeps in. You also know how You gifted me the Holy Spirit to both encourage and equip me. Please help me draw closer to You. Please help me to develop patience. Help me to learn to stand still. To trust You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.