Tears quietly spilled down my cheeks as I slid behind the steering wheel. I started the ignition, while the carefully constructed wall around my heart crumbled. I will not break down! I must be strong for everyone else! Determinedly, I started for home, already hours overdo. I accelerated onto the entrance ramp, joined the rush-hour traffic on the four-lane highway, and felt my composure collapse. A cry of utter agony rose from my core. Tears poured from my eyes. Wails of suffering, sounds I didn’t recognize, emitted from me!
My tear-blinded eyes forced me to pull over on the berm. I crumpled in the seat and called out to God. Alone, away from the hospital with it’s detergent smells, the staff’s probing questions, and so many unanswered why’s- leaving a family member in their care- I finally permitted myself to react and respond to the events of the afternoon. After the shouts from my soul were out, I refocused my heart, listening for the voice of my Father.
That’s right, my child, “Come near to God and He will come near to you.” James 4:8
I felt alone, but my mind argued otherwise. I knew God was there. I knew this secret journey of mine was no secret to Him. My emotions, all twisted and tangled were crystal clear before Him. He knew what I needed, and before I could define it or request it- He was already working on providing it.
I cried to God for help. The Father I knew who had carried me through cancer, traveled with me around the world, and always kept me safe, did not fail me now.
He wrapped His arms around me.
He drew me close.
I was not alone.
My fearful situation didn’t change. But knowing God was with me propelled me forward. I could collect myself, drive home safely, and confidently face the uncertainties of tomorrow.
Because God had not left me. He was right there.
Maybe you too, know heartache and loneliness from carrying a burden that weighs way too much. He is there. He’s lifting it. He wants to carry all its weight. He wants to give you rest. He wants to protect your heart.
He’s simply waiting to be invited in… into the siutation, into the conversation inside your head, into your aching heart.
Trust Him enough to vent your real feelings about this silent, solitary torture. He wants to not only draw closer to you, but ever so gently pick you up and carry you through the obstacles, guiding you through the process.
He is Abba, loving Daddy. He doesn’t always instantly heal the situation, or make it go away, but He promises He will be there, and He will carry His children through.
If you’re in a silent struggle today, reach out to Him. He won’t abandon you. He won’t forsake you. He won’t fail you.
He will help you.
He will hold you.
He will heal your heart.
He promises: Draw near to me and I will draw near to you. He promises to never leave or forsake you. He promises to provide what you need. Trust Him. Cling to Him. Draw near to Him.
Prayer: Dear Lord, Thank You for always keeping Your promises. Please remind me to always draw near to You. Especially when there’s soul-tormenting agonizing hurt. You will come close to me and carry me. Thank You for always being Abba, Daddy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.