“God, what should I do?” Leaning against the door of the ICU, I had tears streaming down my face as I asked God what was next. This disease of a loved one had completely caught me by surprise. And it was lifelong, not a once and done diagnosis.
After days of worry and shock, I was drained. Physically, from ‘sleeping’ in the ICU for three nights. Emotionally, as I pondered life moving forward for this precious person. Spiritually, as I wondered what God was thinking, how on earth this all fit into His plan.
Later, as I struggled to find something appealing in the hospital cafeteria, I witnessed a woman who had an outburst in the food line. As I observed her interactions, I could see she was clearly hurting. She went through the checkout and sat alone. I got some soup and paid the cashier. I felt a prod in my heart, Pray for her.
Walking toward her, I met her eye. She seemed to take in my tear-stained cheeks. I paused by her table and spoke softly, “I pray you get good news today.”
She raised an eyebrow. Her eyes seemed to understand my pain and she whispered, “I hope you do, too.” Then she looked at her plate.
“Thank you.” I quietly selected a table nearby. I offered a prayer to God for her, asking Him to provide whatever she needed.
I slumped in my seat staring into some chicken noodle soup, feeling like I should offer her so much more. I believed I did what I thought God wanted in that moment. Looking back, well-rested, and much-less stressed, I could have done more. But at that moment, it was enough.
What do you do when you ask God for serious answers and He requests something of you? What if His answer is a request for service? What if deep, in our own anguish, we are asked to serve someone in pain too?
We want His heart. But if you’re like me, you get tired. Worn out. I’m not trying to be unempathetic, but real. God I’m not sure I have anything left in me to give.
In 1 Kings 17:13, there was a widow who I bet felt much the same. She had nothing left to give anyone. Not even what she needed to meet her own needs. She feared the future. She found herself in a plight she never imagined and certainly did not author. And yet God had an ask of her.
He sent Elijah, a prophet, to her. Elijah asked her to step out in faith, during a drought, in the midst of her personal famine, and go home and make a small loaf of bread for him to eat. Nevermind, she had just admitted she had little left and planned to return home, make her last meal for herself and her son, and then die. Now Elijah effectively says, you can do that, but first, please make me a small loaf.
Honestly, it was frustrating standing in that cafeteria line. I couldn’t believe I had to do something so mundane as find food for myself when I wasn’t certain I could choke it down. Yet, the nurse had reminded me that I must leave the floor and eat. So, I had grudgingly left. Then I witnessed an outburst I could have authored with the frustration and shock that had mounted during the week. But I was trying to be nice to people around me, I knew I couldn’t blame anyone for what we were living. But inside, those roaring emotions were there.
When I sensed I should offer a kind word, this author didn’t have any beautiful, inspiring phrase left inside to give. I wasn’t feeling it because I wasn’t feeling anything. I was too numb.
But I offered the little I had. A few words. A smile. And a silent prayer. And I believe that was all He asked. The widow did as Elijah asked. She stepped out in faith. She took a giant leap if you ask me. And God, as always, didn’t disappoint.
He provided for her. Her flour and her oil never ran out as long as Elijah was there. God provided for her through her faith in Him. She demonstrated love and trust by making Elijah’s loaf first, day in and day out.
I got off easy in comparison, for sure. Maybe you feel you have too.
Maybe you have taken a moment when you weren’t sure you had time to give. Maybe you paid for the order behind you in the coffee line. Whatever it is, you might feel it was a simple thing. A small thing. Maybe you, like me, feel it doesn’t compare to what the widow did. That’s okay. As long as you did what God laid on your heart.
He doesn’t need us to do things for Him. He wants us to love Him and trust Him. We demonstrate our love and trust by stepping out in faith when we give what we have. Even if it’s only a little tiny bit. He will replenish our store. He will fill us up. Because when we step out in faith, our faith grows. And as our faith grows, the miracles, the provisions of whatever we need, are more commonplace. God promises to provide for all our needs. Maybe it’s food. Or comfort. Or a hug.
Maybe it’s a surge of faith.
Whatever we need, we can trust Him to provide it. Even when we need that push to complete a task He asked. If that’s where you are today, no worries. You aren’t alone. Let’s ask God to both provide what we need, and to help us help each other as we wait on His answers.
Prayer: Dear Lord, Thank you for the widow’s fine example. Even in our pain, you can use us to help each other. Please Lord, show me what you have for me to do, even in the midst of my pain. My sorrow. My frustration. Please help me lean into You, trusting You as I learn to offer whatever I have, whether vast amounts or miniscule. Lord grow my faith as I learn to serve from where I am. In Jesus’s name, Amen.